Love, Sex & Dating
The Right Person Myth - Draper
You don’t have to be in a SERIOUS relationship to get serious about DATING.
ELEMENTS OF INTIMACY
- KNOWN: knowing what is true about each other
- UNDERSTOOD: knowing the why behind what is true about each other
- ACCEPTED: knowing the why behind what is true and still wanting each other
THE RIGHT PERSON MYTH: If I marry the RIGHT person everything will be ALRIGHT.
Over the years you will go through seasons in which you have to learn to love a person who you didn’t marry, who is something of a stranger. You will have to make changes that you don’t want to make, and so will your spouse. The journey may eventually take you into a strong, tender, joyful marriage. But it is not because you married the perfectly compatible person. That person doesn’t exist. -Tim Keller (The Meaning of Marriage)
Instead of finding the right person, PRE-DECIDE to be the RIGHT person.
BIG QUESTION: Are you the person who the person you are looking for is looking for?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- Patient: I will create the time, space and margin that you need.
- Kind: I will consider how you feel and serve what’s best for you.
- Does not Envy: I will never take from you in order to feel better about me.
- Does not Boast: I won’t sell you an inflated version of me.
- Does not Dishonor: I will honor Biblical boundaries for sexuality.
- Not Self-seeking: I’m more invested in what you need than what I want.
REALITY CHECK: You can’t SHARE what you don’t HAVE.
GOSPEL TRUTH: Love is a PERSON, not a principle.
1 John 4:8,19 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love…19 We love because he first loved us.
- Think about some popular movies, TV shows, songs, and websites. Based on what you are seeing and reading, what are some current rules in our culture regarding love, sex, and dating? Which of them do you agree with? Disagree?
- What is the “right person myth”? Do you agree that it is a myth? How have you seen this way of thinking impact your relationships or those of your friends?
- What is your response to the statement, “There are no marriage problems. There are people problems.”?
- Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. In this passage, we ﬁnd a list of qualities that are characteristic of love in the Gospel. Talk through each one. Which ones come easy? Which ones only come with effort?
- Love requires effort, but it isn’t based on effort. We learn to love by being loved. What’s your next step(s) to grow in love?